I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
