Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
birth control should be required to get into college
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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