Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
