Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
