So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
