I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
