I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
