chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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