I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
