Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
