We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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