The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
