Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
