did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
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