Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
PANTIES FOUND
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