big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
