maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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