I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
