we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
