Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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