I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
