I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
