guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
