Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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