just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Randomize
