I hate all girls vehemently.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
