; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
