Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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