What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
