I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
