Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
