Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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