so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
