remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
