Having a random hookup so left but love u
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
