when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
