i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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