omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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