Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
