just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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