I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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