I accidentally had phone sex last night
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
