If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
