he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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