google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
