i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
im on a boat
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