so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
