Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
