She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
