Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Panties = found
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
