your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
