if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
