Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
