I'm going to rape someone's good day.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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