So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
